Every December I make a new year’s resolution. This year marks the tenth anniversary of what I consider my most important resolution ever.
At the start of the January semester I often talk to my students about resolutions. Many students make them every December. They also tell me they fail to keep them within one month. To keep a new year’s resolution takes a few simple habits. Below I discuss these habits and I’ll use myself as an example. When I discuss resolutions with my students I ask them a philosophical question. Can people fully control their lives? Most students answer no. They say too many things lie beyond our control. They give the common examples of the weather, taxes, death. After we discuss these things I remind them I asked about life not the weather. Their answers show I need to clarify or perhaps expand the question.
Can people fully control their choices? Can we live the way we want or do we sometimes have to do what we don’t want to do? Again most answer no. They say we have to work even when we don’t want to. Some say they have to come to my class even though they don’t want to. I applaud their honesty then I say I disagree with them. No one has to come to my class. Every one of them made a choice. I sound naive to many of them. “If we don’t come to your class we can’t get our degree,” some say.
Interesting. To reach a goal we may sometimes have to do something undesirable. What do you think? Do you agree with my students?
I came to the conclusion some years ago we have the intelligence to control our lives-to live how we want.
In December 1997 I resolved to take full control of my life. I would no longer do anything I didn’t want to do. I would no longer do those things I found useless, a waste of time, things I didn’t value. I would reject those things that went against my principles. I would do only those things I consider important and that better my life. I broke my resolution before January’s end. I needed to do more than just say I wanted to take control of my life. First I needed to increase my control “I.Q.” I had to learn about and develop the appropriate habits.
To gain more control over my life I had to make the effort. As I mention above I had to learn. I had to read, talk to wise people, find role models. I couldn’t just wish more control into reality. Every time I failed at my goal I tried again. I started fresh. I felt frustration but I said, “If others learned to control their lives so can I.”
To gain control of my life I had to develop a certain attitude. Attitude affects success and failure. I wrote my goals and I read them every week so I wouldn’t forget where I wanted to go and to remind myself that if others got there so could I. I thought about how everything I learned would take me closer to my goal not that I didn’t want to learn anymore. Once I controlled my attitude I could then control my life.
As I made efforts to change my life and worked on my attitude I had to keep focused. I learned that when I lost focus of my specific goals I wasted effort. I discovered the paradox that the fewer things I focused on the more I accomplished. When I concentrated and focused my efforts I eliminated distractions. The more I learned to control my life the more easily I could focus on my resolution. This convinced me of the correlation between focus and control.
I tell my students when we talk about resolutions these three habits work together. It takes effort to develop a good attitude. A good attitude helped keep me focused. Focus helped me reach my goal more easily. It helped me avoid distractions and helped make my efforts more effective. As I developed these three habits I learned to make intelligent choices. I found control came down to the choices I make. When I make intelligent choices I gain more control/freedom. I gain control over my finances, my time, my mind. I used role models both good and bad. From the bad role models I discovered the correlation between bad choices and a loss of control or freedom. From the good role models I learned how to refine what Ernest Hemingway called, “A fail-proof crap detector.” As I learned how to apply the tools of language, logic and history to weigh the choices I faced every day I started to make the right choices to live how I want.
Each year I learned more about how to control my life and I continue to develop my life philosophy. Perhaps I don’t completely control my life but I live mostly the way I want. I do what I value and I reject those things others consider important but I consider wrong, a waste of time, silly, a bad choice, a fad or plain ridiculous.
So what will you resolve this year? If you set a specific goal, write it down and apply these four habits you can achieve what you want and live how you want. I wish you a happy, successful new year.
Copyright Bert Lorenzo, 2007
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