When Humanity has Faith by Nakki White

ENC 1101

As human beings we have the ability to find the faults in those around us. This ability makes it easy to pick apart the lives and dreams of others when we have no faith in our own. Why do people find solace by tearing down someone’s ideas? Why do we make it our mission to destroy the dreams of another? Basic human nature regulates that people discourage the dreams of their friends because they lack faith in their own dreams, don’t want to see their friends get hurt, and sometimes they just can’t understand the dreams of someone else other than their own.

Where does faith come from? Faith comes from the belief of there being a higher power beyond our own comprehension. When humanity has faith it gives them the strength to follow their dreams. However, people tend to discourage others because they have no faith in their dreams. When people don’t have any faith it means nothing can motivate them. In my sophomore year of high school I competed in a public speaking competition for Future Business Leaders of America. After continuously working for months to prepare a speech by myself, I was devastated to find out that I didn’t win. When the opportunity came to participate again in my junior year I didn’t have any faith that I would do better this time. The first time I worked so hard to do my best only to have it thrown back in my face and whenever I thought about trying again, I kept finding reasons to stop. For a while I didn’t believe in myself, but with time and shaky faith I competed again and this time I won. At that point in my life I lacked motivation in my own dreams so there was no way I could encourage my friends to go for what they wanted. Somehow I believed that since I couldn’t achieve my dreams then there was no way my friends could achieve theirs either. Not having faith indicates not believing in a greater power like God. Church teaches us to believe that God can symbolize destiny. Destiny meaning that everything happens for a reason.  This is why most people use God as a motivational tool to guide them in the right direction, while others deny the concept of faith altogether much like my aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth tends to believe that she and only she controls her destiny. In her mind there are no coincidences or explanations and the only faith she has is in herself. She doesn’t realize that God affects our decisions more than we know. Having faith in something stronger than ourselves propels people forward, but with her it only seems to have made her clueless. She has all this faith in herself, yet has done nothing to accomplish her dreams. Not having faith in something stronger is much like aimlessly walking through life without a clear sense of direction. It’s hypothesized that these same feelings can lead to insecurities. Life’s about taking risks in order to try something new, but when people become insecure they become afraid to take those risks. A former friend of mine named Michelle never could figure out what she wanted to do for the rest of her life so she studied everything she possibly could. One time it was cooking, next business, then art, and finally writing. She studied almost everything, yet when opportunities came to turn them into careers she never took the chance. She always found reasons why she wasn’t good enough or why she wouldn’t be good at anything even though she studied everything. Nevertheless, insecurity mentally destroys people from the inside. It makes them afraid to take risks and even doubt the criticism from others. Whether or not people believe it criticism can do more harm than good in the mind of someone suffering do to their insecurities. Take my friend Jennifer for instance who is a fantastic artist, although every time her work is critiqued she loses all confidence in herself. Even if the critique’s minor she is ready to demolish her art work. She’s always been insecure about everything she does especially when it comes to her painting, even when it’s perfect she can’t help but feel like everyone hates it. Her insecurities keep her from accepting the opinions of others which could likely help her in the future. Everyone knows that the world isn’t a perfect place and some will have good or bad days more than another. When people start accepting that there’s nothing they can do to change their life they become cynical. My older brother Darrell is now in his thirties, but growing up the world reduced him to the stereotypical black male. Some of his teachers at one point thought that he would turn to drugs and gang violence like some of his classmates, yet he didn’t let their cynicism stop him. He wasn’t going to let society put a label on him so he worked his hardest and sacrificed some of his own happiness to take care of the family. Currently he’s working hard to finish school then own his own funeral home in Miami. Unlike him, my aunt Ruth has completely given up in everything she once believed in. In the past few years I’ve noticed that every time someone mentioned what they wanted out of life she would become cold and cynical. Even with me and the rest of the family she discourages our dreams because she’s slowly realized that she wasn’t able to accomplish any of hers. She accepted her failures which is similar to destroying her own goals. When someone does that they are left with nothing than what they started with.

Do we hurt each other on purpose or is it coincidental? Humanity argues that we hurt each other because there’s always a tiny hint of satisfaction at seeing someone else fail. Others disagree saying that it’s not about wanting someone to fail rather than wanting to protect them from outcomes that we perceive as difficult or dangerous. It’s simply human nature to want to shield our friends and peers from getting hurt. This is why people discourage their friends and peers from their dreams out of fear. Fear makes me people afraid to see their friends get hurt or in another case do better than them. I have two friends named Bianca and Chelsea. Both were amazing volleyball players back in high school, but Bianca was always a little better than her. Before our senior year both had the same dream of becoming volleyball captain for the varsity team. During their practices I began noticing that Chelsea would put down Bianca skills whenever she had the chance, knowing she was better. Chelsea was terrified of losing to one of her close friends so she put down Bianca’s dream so that she wouldn’t succeed. Being friends with someone means encouraging them but somewhere inside of ourselves lies the deep seeded fear that our friends just might be better than us. Sometimes they might even surpass us in accomplishments that one day we hoped to achieve. Another part of fear lies in competition; fear makes people afraid to lose especially to a friend. Win or lose people become competitive because everyone wants to do their absolute best, yet when someone loses against a friend it can be devastating on the person and the relationship. Take for instance, two of my friends Roger and Stephan who competed against each other in high school for a full ride scholarship. The winner had to write about four to six essays on different topics in order to win. Now Roger believed deeply that his writing was flawless and that there was no way he wouldn’t win, although when the winner was announced it was Stephan. Roger was so angry that he never spoke to Stephan again and still today the two haven’t spoken. Losing against a friend not only destroyed their relationship, but it also made Roger doubt his own writing skills. After fear then comes experiencing failure first hand. Some people can brush failure off easily, yet it can take a toll on others. A former friend of mine named Nora us to compete in Future Business Leaders of America with me, but her category was marketing. She was very smart and loved to work with numbers so she put her all into the competition and like my first time, she lost also. Unlike me, when she had the opportunity to compete again she didn’t want to. Since she didn’t win the first time she felt like trying again would be pointless because she was supposed to be great with numbers yet she lost. This one particular failure changed her, made her feel like she wasn’t smart enough in the one thing she loved. It is painful to feel hurt ourselves, but even worse to watch our friends experience it so we discourage them only to protect them. It only takes one failure to make people doubt themselves and everything they do. For a while after my first lost in public speaking I doubted my own abilities. When people would say that I was good, I would brush it off to them simply being nice or wanting to make me feel better. It took me months to get over the failure because losing does hurt, but it made me change and get better so that next time I competed I would win. While people change for the better sometimes it could be for the worst. My Aunt Ruth finally realized that she hadn’t accomplished any of the dreams that she once had which changed her. It’s like she’s completely given up on life because she no longer has any passion. I could honestly say that the only passion she has now is for making everyone else just as miserable as her. Now change is inevitable; it happens whether we want it to or not, yet the main reason we try to keep our friends from experiencing it is because of what could possibly happen to them. Change sometimes incorporates with losing a friend. Every so often with change comes whether or not we can handle the loss of a friend do to our emotions. A long time ago I lost one of my very first friend Marnie because we disagreed on different things. After years of living in the same neighborhood together, Marnie began to act like she was too good for the same people she had grown up with. She didn’t care about the community or the people in it and she just wanted to be rid of them. This is where we disagreed because even though bad things did happen, there were too many good memories to leave behind. We disagreed on that until it became the argument that ruined a friendship; we haven’t spoken in seven years. Everything that has happened didn’t stem from people wanting to hurt their friends rather than to protect them. We don’t try to hurt our friends on purpose; we try to keep them safe in an unsafe world.

Why do we let our own judgement cloud the reasoning’s of another person? Everyone is entitled to their own dreams just like they are entitled to their own opinions. People tend to discourage the dreams of their friends and peers because they can’t understand the dreams of another beyond their own. When someone first talks about their plans or dreams it can make someone else skeptical while others don’t believe at all. People simply do this out of confusion. When a person first hears an idea they don’t understand they immediately cut off what the other person is saying. They become confused and disbelieving because they didn’t listen enough to really understand what the person’s trying to say. One of my close friend Bo has a dream of being a fashion buyer in the future and for the life of me I can’t understand why she would want to waste her life doing that. She has told me many times that she has a passion for fashion yet I don’t believe she should do that. She’s too smart to waste her life doing that and because I’ve never taken the moment to really listen to her dreams then I can never understand why she wants that. People all have crazy unexplainable reasons for why they want to do certain things however, people cannot understand those reasons because they don’t put themselves in their friend’s shoes. Again with Bo as much as I love her I feel her dreams are a waste of true potential. I can’t understand why she wants certain things because I can’t put myself in her shoes. I can’t function my brain to think how she thinks because we are two different people. As her friend I can only watch as she tries to make her dreams come true, still I tend to discourage her in the hopes that she will do something greater beyond fashion. Whenever people don’t believe in someone’s dream they stop encouraging them altogether instead they start saying that their dreams are only dreams and that they should stay that way as doubt turns to disagreement. Disagreement arises from people thinking they know what’s best for someone rather than trusting that person’s opinion. During the summer my mother and I disagreed on what I should do about my plans for college. She wanted me to focus on only one thing while going to school, while I wanted to focus on several different things. I understand that she is my mother and has made most of my decisions for me during my life, but this one time I wanted to control what I did with my life. I will always respect her opinions, but I wish she would respect mine and let me decide what’s right. As soon as people hear something in their mind they have already formed an opinion as to why someone is possibly wrong. A former law teacher from high school once told me that no one ever listens because they’re too busy forming an opinion. Every piece of advice I’ve gotten from someone who thinks they know what I should do with my life, I honestly believe they haven’t listened to me well enough. They’re not focusing on what I want because they are too busy trying to convince me otherwise. There are so many people in the world judging one another that they end up discouraging someone else’s dreams. My same former high school law teacher automatically assumed that because I was good that law would be the perfect career for me in the future. I agreed with her on that, but that didn’t meant that I only wanted to focus on that for the rest of my life. I have other things that I wanted to study, plenty of other careers that I wanted to dabble in but she had made up her mind that law was perfect. I know that she didn’t mean any harm in what she said it’s just the fact she never took the moment to just let me explain my dreams. It’s that same kind of arrogance that make people discourage the dreams of someone else when they don’t understand. My entire life has been filled with friends, family and so many other people giving me advice. They all heard about what I wanted to do but they never listened. Listening and hearing are two different things that are missing in today’s society. Everyone’s too busy giving their own advice that they don’t realize their crushing another person’s dreams.

Being human makes it easy to find the faults in others. Human nature signifies that we presume to know everything. We break down the dreams of someone else because we think we know what the difference between right and wrong is. People make it their mission to destroy the dreams of another because as humans we believe that if we can control the destiny of another somehow it will make ours better.

*Copyright Nakki White, 11/25/2015

Much LIke An Iceberg by Aaron De Bellotte

  

Much like an iceberg, most of what happens in our mental processing happens under the surface, when our minds are under, unconscious. The clearest view into the working of our subconscious can be seen most vividly through our dreams.

         I'd like to share now a dream that as they do for us all, reveals details of our true character. It started at the peak of a spire, I vividly recall how full my eyes were from the breathtaking scenery. Rolling clouds, blue skies; sounds and visions of life. Allowing myself to be carried by the winds, I stepped from the spire; plummeting toward a ground which at present time could still not be seen. Though it was certain I was falling to my doom, I've never felt more alive. Even once the earth came into view, and I rapidly approaching, the fear of death had not yet eclipsed the sheer bliss of the moment. As a matter of perspective, I was diving to my fate; my reality however, I was moving at Godspeed toward revelation. Through miracle of mind more so than body, my free spirit sprung forth in ribbons of gold, taking physical form and blessing me with the power of flight. As if I'd been doing it all my life, my wings of light took to the winds in a manner that to all who beheld mirrored my happiness, as is the natural relationship of light and reflection. As also being the nature of things in the world, where there is light, there is shadow. The farther I flew, the more my mind was opened to the fact that my ideals of light had their limits. Steady flying overhead, I began to see the darkness manifest in the hearts of my fellow man; my brothers and sisters of the earth. Demons made their way into our hearts, doing all they could to snuff out the light we all held, and shared. Guided by greed, insatiable lust, wrath, gluttony; spawned forth came poverty, insecurity, fear, and despair. I bore witness to the face of suffering.

         No Longer could I stand by as dark forces spread through the world, unrivaled and unchecked. The only thing necessary for evil to endure is for good men to stand by and do nothing. The time had come for me to cast aside my selfish ambitions, my yearning for flight and freedom, leaving others to suffer. Time has come for me to land, join in the struggles of men, who at times can be such wretched things. No longer would I travel on the wind. I was left to walk the drenched soil. The soles of my feet stained with the blood of the fallen. I remained there on that cursed ground, taking in the horror of the desolation. I now knew,  that same light that carried me on the winds of freedom, I would harness to aid me in the protection of what is truly important. With this light of freedom, I carved my way through countless shadows to push back the cover of darkness over people's hearts.

         Through countless battles and scars I had come to understand that amongst those I have saved, that much if not more I had destroyed. Though I found myself spreading good and light in the world, I unknowingly became an agent of darkness in all that I had torn asunder. Then as dreams do, without a certain beginning, it had an abrupt end as I awoke to understand all the better the relationship of balance…of myself…of this perfectly imperfect world.

       

The Woman of Steele by Antonietta Baladi

11/25/15

The Woman of Steele (Narrative)

            It was the best decision I ever made to walk into Ms. Steele’s office that one day in my sixth grade year. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I was walking and opening the door. Ms. Steele was the trust counselor in Palm Springs Middle school, and the angel that saved me from falling into the treacherous pit of adolescent angst and confusion. With her guidance, I learned to express my thoughts and understand them, consider actions both on mine and others’ behalf, and most importantly I learned to trust myself and build the confidence I need in order to eat the world.

            Just a wee little thing, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I failed to understand why. I roamed the school halls with a creeping sense of being shoved down. These were things I never experienced before, so I sought out help. That first day, I sank into a large, consuming yet comfortable seat of forest green which leaned against Ms. Steele’s metal desk next to the door. The small office invited me into its dimly lit interior. A black leather couch laid against the wall across from the entrance with a rectangular crimson rug at its feet. Funny to think back to it now, little did I know that that would evolve into my sanctuary. Ms. Steele sat up in her pink office chair. She wore shoulder length blonde hair above her petite, pale frame. As embarrassing as it seemed, the first forms of communication beamed out from me were, in fact, sobs. It only took one look from her concerned blue eyes for me to break down. But she quickly sprang into action; she handed me some tissues from the box conveniently placed on her desk and scooched her chair closer to me. “I don’t know what to do!” I choked. At that moment right there is where the new me first breathed. I seemed to have succumbed under the tremendous stress of juggling the many responsibilities that deterred me from a childhood of fun and play. As the oldest of three, I acted as the second mother to my younger siblings Jose and Jessica. I had (then) gone through about 10 surgeries to correct my cleft lip, a common birth defect. My world consisted of doctors, surgeons, needles, blood, pain, sacrifice, and worst of all, health insurance. It all began to take a toll on me. With each surgery came each recuperation, and with those soon came the dreadful removing of stitches and bandages. The removals weren’t as bad as the looks though. I continued to stand out somehow. I suffered more surgeries than I had to. My surgeon allowed students to perform the surgeries and then be the ones to remove the stitches. It was a pain unlike any other. The worst part being that I still looked the same! All that pain, for nothing! They didn’t know what they were doing and I, a child, had to pay the price. How could I possibly explain the years of injustice and agony I felt to this sweet little woman? Ms. Steele explained that not just any child can be strong enough to grow up before time is called. The experiences in my short life gave me a window that nobody else could see through, those words stood out to me. I began to appreciate this window. I thought, “Wow, she’s right. I see it. I made friends along the way – the other patients I met with the same issue, and my roommates in the hospital rooms – and I have a second home in the hospital. Maybe it’s better to stand at this point than to be running around giggling with annoying children.” Truth is, I get along with the hospital staff better because they know the reality of the situation. Kids just think about their homework, stickers, friends, and toys. I held bigger things on my plate. In my mind I calculated dates for appointments, names of specialists, specific functions of these specialists, x-rays, weight complications, possible anesthesia complications due to weight, and pressure from everyone and their mother for me to gain weight so that the next surgery won’t be delayed. Honestly, the kids my age would just slow me down. I already opened my eyes and saw how difficult the real world is and I didn’t have time to waste playing patty-cake. With one session a week, I was learning to comprehend my emotions of indignation and began to analyze my causes of stress. After the analytical step, I had to express my thoughts and concerns so that together we’d battle the demons of doubt. It was amazing the relief I felt just talking to someone who could respond with worth-while advice. I’d say something like “I feel… because… and I’d like to… so how can I?  In three years’ time we knocked down one by one the towers that kept me retreated within my shell.

            I knew I was lucky, lucky enough to have someone guide me and clean my window when the view grew foggy. Now, I didn’t exactly feel victimized as much as I felt angry. I felt angry sometimes because I too asked the clouds “why me? Out of the billions of people in the world, why I did I have to be the one going through all this? I know I’m not the only one, but why am I one of them?” These were low points for me. I needed to understand that “people, especially children, act out negatively when feeling down.” The window is wiped. I saw others clearly for what they were feeling. I understood why they behaved the way they did. The girl who developed early didn’t like me because she wasn’t accustomed to someone saying no to her. Said girl took charge of having the class isolate me for “being weird”. The young boy who used to be my good friend also led the class and spread a rumor about me taking an anger management course. It was true. “Boys in their youth do hurtful things sometimes to gain attention from others.” He was trying to get close to the devil girl. The window is wiped. I went on a field trip with Ms. Steele and the kids from the anger management class to the streets to raise awareness for homelessness. “Some people lose their way in life and with it, their families and stability. Some of these people need medical attention but can’t afford it, so they remain in the dark. Not all of these people are drunks and/or drug consumers. There are families that are homeless, kids like you that go to school, are homeless. These people just need compassion and guidance.” My window grew in size, and the view? Crystal clear. I have an older half-brother, Jaime, a few weeks ago we bought a bunch of pizzas at a shopping center. There was a homeless man on the corner of the center. He dragged a Home Depo cart full of cans, a few articles of clothing, and a wiener dog. This man just sat there gazing, contemplating the sunset and petting his dog. Jaime and I had 4 boxes of pizzas on our hands. We took a few from each box, wrapped them up in paper towels, and put them in a bag. We moseyed on down to the man. Jaime handed the bag of pizzas to him and apologized for having put them in a bag. The man, delighted, placed the dog securely in the cart and accepted the bag thanking us. “Oh they’re still warm!” he exclaimed. Jaime responded, “Yes, there are different types too. We hoped they’d be enough for you and your dog.” The ragged man thanked us again and blessed us. We walked away leaving a kind spark in the man’s eyes as he fed his dog. I thought of Ms. Steele.

            In her office she pinned up letters of gratitude from other students. I thought that on my last day of eighth grade I’d dedicate one as well. I was never able to. I tried, but there was so much that happened that I didn’t even know what to say. Next thing I knew, the bell rang and I ceased to be a middle schooler. Now that I’ve grown up and applied her wisdom to my life, I know what to say. I’d say, “Thank you for choosing your career, because you excel at it. Because of you I didn’t break down as tragically as others I know. I felt like I always had someone in my corner rooting for me and I’ll be eternally grateful for that encouragement. I grew to understand that there’s more than the Hispanic mother’s way to express one’s self. I stood limp on the ground facing everyday battered up by my mistrust in others and in myself. Now, I hear your voice in my head conquering any corrupt thought of myself. I am a strong young woman with a mind that grows every single day and a kind heart. I am blessed to have a family that cares about my well-being and to have a brother and sister that need my guidance as someone experienced. I thought about becoming a trust counselor too but I’m trying out another form of therapy to help others. I didn’t know I was depressed, or that I was being bullied. I thought that was just the way things were supposed to go. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for teaching me how to control myself when I’m about to burst out of my seams. There’s so much I’d like to tell you about. I fell in love for the first time. And then I plummeted out of it. But that’s okay because I’m in college now and there’s barely enough time to socialize between my classes and all the television I watch! Next time I’ll gracefully step into it instead of falling. I restrain myself from tainting my glass with a rose color, I like my clear view. I don’t regret the experience. I don’t regret any of the events in my life because they shaped me into the person I am today; a humorous, five foot tall noodle with hair that won’t be tamed. The responsibilities list keeps growing now that I’m 19. I get stressed out sometimes but it doesn’t last long because I watch the burden float away in the pink balloon when I close my eyes, just like you taught me. It’s all just temporary. That’s gotten me through so much pain. I might need one more surgery by the way. This will be the last one. I’m up to 14 surgeries. Each one has gotten easier. I considered volunteering at the hospital, but it’s too far. In time I’ll give back. Thank you for everything Ms. Steele. I’m a work in progress, but I’m happy.”

            I really am happy. I’m hopeful about the future. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I didn’t even think that college was an option for me. I have a dream of making films and as crazy as it sounds, I’m pretty confident about it! With the proper structure, I’ll be able to tell a great story that will connect with the audience and one day help another little noodle find the confidence within themselves to strive for their dreams. I owe it all to Ms. Steele for helping me rise from the ashes of common torment that swallow young kids up. I can manage my train of thought in a more organized fashion, thank you very much. And I understand that we as humans respond to the behaviors of others and sometimes reciprocate in the way that we shouldn’t, but it’s all a part of how we’re wired and see things. And I’m not one to brag but, my window is expanding into a balcony and I’m installing a chair because I know the importance of appreciating a moment. It’s going to be a green chair.